Jan 31, 2017
The second of our Tales of Orange, following last episode's The Queen and the Orange.
Music: Creepy — Bensound.com.
James: Here are
some Totally Made up Tales, brought to you by the magic of the
internet.
Andrew / James
(alternating):
Mist covered the
land, and from the recesses of the valley came a new sound.
Bwaaaaaaah, it went. This startled the villagers, who gathered at
the edge of town with ear pressed to the ground listening to the
mysterious rumblings and worrying. It made many noises before they
saw, emerging from the mist, elephants!
As they stampeded
toward the town, the elephants put their trunks into action,
trumpeting the arrival of the herd. Thus, was jazz
invented.
James: And now,
the Cavalier of Saint Ignacio.
Andrew: The sun
rose over the hills with the promise of a hot summer's day
ahead.
James: Sitting in
the shade of an orange tree, a man bit into the fruity pulp of the
delicious orange globe.
Andrew: He offered
half of the fruit to the dog that faithfully sat by his side, and
man and beast together wolfed down their delicious fruity
breakfast.
James: Over the
hill back in the town, he could hear the sound of
trumpets.
Andrew: It was the
celebration of the Feet of Saint Ignacio.
James: Since
sundown the day before, people from the villages all around had
been bringing their wares and particularly their oranges, fabled
throughout the country, to the town square in preparation for the
feast.
Andrew: Saint
Ignacio was the patron saint of orange grove, and legend ran that
wherever his foot had landed on the earth, a tree had sprung up —
and in celebration of his feast day at the end of the orange
season, the growers would gather in the capital city of the region,
and paint the soles of their feet orange and walk through the
streets.
James: The
children would run amongst them singing and dancing and laughing,
and when they reached the town square, a great feast awaited them
all.
Andrew: This man
however, was not taking part in the feast this year, for something
significant was about to happen to him.
James: As he got
up intending to make his way into the town, another sound reached
his ears.
Andrew: He was not
the only one who heard the mysterious sound. His dog's ears pricked
up, and his eyes became immediately alert, and he too stood and man
and dog looked at the distant horizon.
James: At first
they could see nothing but dust. Then, gradually they could see
figures moving through the dust and finally, as the figures got
closer, they could see men on horseback; the thundering of the
hooves as they galloped towards the town warning of the importance
of their mission.
Andrew: He took
from his bag a spyglass and extended it in order to inspect the men
and determine who they were.
James: He swept
the spyglass from one side of the band of cavalry to the other,
counting 6,7,8,9,10, no twenty men, all on horseback… until he
found their leader.
Andrew: Their
leader, the Cavalier of Saint Ignacio, the twenty knights of the
orange grove! The fabled, nay, mythical group! Surely, they had
died out centuries ago! But no, now here they were looking exactly
as they did on the mighty altarpiece painting that stood in the
church in the town.
James: He ran to
the town elders.
Andrew:
Breathlessly, he arrived in the village square and threw
himself down before the mayor and said, "Quick! Quick! You must
come with me, there is something that I must show you at once. I
know it seems unlikely. I know that this is the worst possible time
but you must come with me as you trust me as a man and as a member
of the city, please!"
James: And then
Old Marco, the priest stepped forward and said in his gravelly
voice, "It is the Calvary of Saint Ignacio, is it not?"
Andrew: "But how
could you know that?" Said the young man. "How could you possibly
know?"
James: "I have
prayed and I have been visited by the Feet of Saint Ignacio and
they pointed towards the frieze of the Cavalry this morning. I knew
that they would be coming."
Andrew: "There has
been a legend, a legend of yore that was passed to me by the former
priest of this town on his death bed that one day the Cavalry would
return. They would return with a dire warning."
James: And so the
mayor got into the mayor's official cart and the two ponies were
hitched to it and the elders followed behind with the children
singing and dancing and playing and not understanding that this was
not the normal feast of the Feet of Saint Ignacio, but this was
something very special. And the entire town met the Cavalry on the
border.
Andrew: At the
front of the imposing column of men in their dark black robes with
orange silk flashes on the sleeves, there was the Cavalier
resplendent, a gold cross on his chest, a mighty lance in his hand,
a shining helmet upon his head that in the morning sun seemed to be
aflame.
James: "Oh
Cavalier!" started the mayor. "I beg you, tell us why you have
come."
Andrew: "Silence!"
said the Cavalier, banging the end of his lance upon the dusty
ground. "Cease this revelry and listen to the dread portent that I
have to share with you. Your town is in grave danger."
James: So stern
was his voice, so imposing his very physique, that even the
children stopped playing and dancing and laughing and singing and
all was silent before him.
Andrew: All that
could be heard was a slight rustling of the morning wind in the
trees of the orange groves. The occasional chirp of a cricket. You
could have heard a pin drop as everybody hung on the words of the
Cavalier. What was the threat that was so dire that the mythical
knights should have to return?
James: "The town,"
began the Cavalier. "The town, the orange groves, Saint Ignacio's
memory itself. All is at stake.
Andrew: The wrath
of God is to be visited upon this town in twenty four hours' time.
A grave crime has been committed against his Grace and a mighty
earthquake is going to rip the very foundations of the town from
the stones of the hill and cast it down and from the depths of the
earthquake will come floods and fire and the groves of oranges will
be consumed, unless you render up to me by sundown tonight the
criminal who has done this deed."
James: So saying
the Cavalier wheeled his horse, and the Cavalry rode off to camp
outside in the fields.
Andrew: Chaos
immediately reigned in the town. Everybody was stirred by these
words. Suspicion came to roost in every heart. "Surely, it was this
person's misdeed when they had swindled me at cards." "Surely it
was that person who had given me short measure on my loaf of
bread."
Ah, but what was
the deed and who had committed it?
James: The mayor,
and the elders, and Marco the priest, gathered in the mayor's house
to discuss what must be done.
Andrew: The mayor
banged his fist on the table and demanded silence. The room fell
quiet. He had his audience.
"We must hold,"
he said, "an inquisition. Every adult citizen of the town must be
brought before us one by one and their soul and character
tested."
James: "We should
start," Said Mr. Iniquez who ran the bakery. "We should start with
ourselves to ensure that amongst the elders there is no
sin."
Andrew: Several
faces looked guilty and hesitant at this idea, for who among us
would want all of the most secret places of our hearts to be
revealed to our neighbours?
James:
Nonetheless, no one could come up with a convincing reason
why they should not go ahead. And so, one by one they faced their
peers and recounted the deeds of their lives.
Andrew: What would
it be, this unknown crime against the Grace of God that the
inquisition was searching for? Each man or woman in turn stood
before the others and confessed what they considered their
misdeeds. Coveting their neighbour's wife or ass; failing to
respect their father or mother; failing to make confessional or go
to church; petty swindling; great misdeeds in the heart, in the
mind, in action. All was laid bare.
James: By lunch
time, the elders of the town knew each other better than they knew
themselves, and already they were worried about doing this with the
rest of the population. Arguments were breaking out between elder
and elder over slights and infractions over the years. What would
happen when they did this with the entire population?
Andrew: What
happened was the temperature in the town began to rise. It was as
if the collective temper was slowly boiling. There was a seething
mass of resentment, and politics, and gossip, and nastiness. The
town that had lived so happily and peacefully in the bountiful
land, so blessed with fruit trees, where people had lived a happy
life for so many years, were slowly turning into a nightmare of
mistrust.
James: At the end
of the first day, half of the town had confessed their sins. Over
night, many arguments broke out, including some fights between
those who now knew that they had trusted in vain, or thought better
of people than they really should have done. And on the second day,
they began again with the rest of the population, confessing their
sins one by one to the elders, who wrote them down in a large
book.
Andrew: It had
been an uneasy night. Few had had a good night's sleep. People were
haggard and worried. The town seemed like a different place
entirely from the site of happy festivities it had been the day
before. By mid afternoon, the confession had been completed and the
elders regathered in the office of the mayor to review what they
had found to try and uncover the sin that the Cavalier had been
sent to expunge.
James: "I have
read the entire book of inquisition," said the elderly Marco. "And
I cannot see a single act which could be considered the overriding
sin of this town."
Andrew: "No, we
must look at the list again. Somewhere in this list there must be
the sin that we are looking for. What about this one? What about
the young man who was having an affair with his brother's wife?
Surely that is an offence against God that would have brought his
wrath upon us."
James: "But," said
Marco, "he did penance for his sin. He confessed that to me five
years ago. That cannot possibly be the reason that God's wrath is
upon us."
Andrew: "Ah, but
what about this? The man who claimed that he had made a donation to
the hospital in the capitol city of our country, and in fact he had
taken the money and spent it on a weekend of wild
abandon."
James: "Ah, but
you forget," said the mayor, "that he not only subsequently paid
for a new hospital for the capital, but has set up seven or eight
hospitals throughout the region."
Andrew: "What
about this one? A woman who confesses that in her quest for a
husband, not only did she pray devoutly for the Lord to deliver one
to her, she cast spells and incantations in a Pagan
ritual."
James: "Pah!" said
Martine, one of the elder women of the town. "You are simply saying
that because as a young woman she was known as the most beautiful
amongst the town, and you're all upset that she did not choose you.
She was not participating in witchcraft. She was merely reading
from a traditional book that all of us have read from at one point
or another in our lives. There is no sin here."
Andrew: The elders
were at a loss and the mayor said, "well, then let us each take a
section of the inquisition book and once again reread it in search
of the sin that God seeks to punish us for."
James: And so the
elders of the town sat down once more to read through the
considerable expanses of the book of inquisition. Meanwhile,
outside the town's folk continued in their squabbling and bickering
brought about because of the inquisition and the confessions
therein.
As the light
dimmed and the day came to an end, a storm rolled in off the
mountains and rain began to fall on the town.
Andrew: First, in
droplets onto the earth it bounced, sending up little clouds of
dust. Then gradually in fatter, larger drops it fell, soaking the
earth, causing the top soil to run down deep into the valleys.
Every animal fled for cover. Soon it was torrential. The cracks of
thunder began, and the lightning started to strike at the trees of
the orange groves and the tops of the towers of the
city.
James: Before
long, the locals roused from their sleep, if they had managed to
sleep in the first place, noticed the flickering of flames from out
in the orange groves, and ran out, distraught in panic.
Andrew: Their
livelihood, their treasure, the thing that had nourished and that
they had nurtured for so many centuries was being destroyed by this
great cataclysm of nature, and as they saw the trees burning, they
wept bitter tears.
James: Day dawned
on a sorry scene. The orange groves, once rich with beautiful
trees, now reduced to blackened stumps. The townsfolk, tired from
weeping through the night, collapsed around each other, some of
them managing to make their way home, some of them having merely
lain down in the street and gone to sleep.
Andrew: It was
clear to them that the Cavalier's warning had come to pass that the
Wrath of God had been visited on their town and on their region and
they had not discovered and delivered the sinner. Where was this
person and what had they done?
Meanwhile, far
away on a road leading to another part of the country, the man
walked whistling a merry tune, his dog by his side, orange juice on
both of their faces.
James/Andrew
(alternating): Yorkshire was a fictional county
in the mind of King Harold. He loved the idea of a county full of
dour men who would wear stout jackets and flat caps, and talk to
each other in elliptical, impenetrable sentences while smoking,
drinking, and watching a cricket match.
When he died,
such was the mourning of his country that they created Yorkshire
for him in his memory, and it stands today still a testament to his
greatness.
James: I'm James
and I'm here with Andrew. These stories were recorded without
advanced planning and then lightly edited for discerning listener.
Join us next time for more Totally Made up Tales.