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Totally Made Up Tales


Oct 7, 2016

In episode 6, we finish the story of the Rosewood Unicorn, along with meeting Theresa who runs a comforting bookshop, and seeing what happens when the Dean Drops In.

Music: Creepy – Bensound.com.

 

James:

Here are some totally made-up tales brought to you by the magic of the internet.

 

 

We start with the Dean Drops In.

 

Andrew:

The head librarian looked up from her desk at the sound of a knock of the door of her wood panelled office.

 

James:

Perhaps, she thought, it was her assistant with the soup for lunch. But, no, standing in the doorway was the Dean of the University.

 

Andrew:

"May, I come in?" he said in his patrician drawl that he had spent years perfecting.

 

James:

"Of course, Dean," she said drawing a chair for him on the other side of her immense desk.

 

Andrew:

"I wondered if I might speak to you about the little subject of books?" He said.

 

James:

"Ah, yes, books," said the head librarian, "they are indeed in my remit."

 

Andrew:

"Yes," he said, "I was wondering if that is really the most efficient way for us to work? Do you think we might re-visit the whole topic?"

 

James:

The head librarian thought for a moment. This was a familiar pattern with the Dean, walking in and sparring with members of his faculty, threatening to take away certain responsibilities or authority. But this, she felt, was going further.

 

Andrew:

Books had always been at the heart of University life and at the heart life and at the heart of learning and culture and damn if she was going to lose them.

 

James:

Although the library contained a large number of things that were not by any stretch of the imagination books, she felt that reducing herself to only looking after those would inevitably see the library become part of some other faculty, such as languages or perhaps the modern hearts.

 

Andrew:

She turned over in her mind the best way to conquer this threat to her domain. What could she do?

 

James:

Smiling gently at the Dean, she walked around the large desk flicking open a small drawer as she went and withdrawing a jewel-encrusted dagger.

 

Andrew:

This she delicately plunged into his back behind the middle of the rib cage, up into his heart and withdrew it wiping it on her handkerchief.

 

James:

"Chelsea," she called for her assistant, "file this under D for dead things."

 

 

And now: Part II of the Rosewood Unicorn.

 

Andrew:

The day dawned bright and fair. There was not a cloud in the sky. It was the 17th birthday of the Princess Caroline.

 

James:

She rose early and was dressed in the most sumptuous clothes by her maids and prepared for the full day of celebration before her.

 

Andrew:

In the morning she toured around the capital city meeting, greeting, receiving birthday wishes from the loyal subjects of the king among whom she was so popular.

 

James:

At lunch there was a great banquet with many of the princes from surrounding kingdoms vying for her hand in marriage, not knowing, for the king had never disclosed to anyone the deal he had made with the Man in Black.

 

Andrew:

The afternoon she had for recreation, for it was her birthday after all. She went for a pleasant walk in the gardens and played a game of tennis.

 

James:

And just before the evening meal, as she had for so many years, she played briefly with the unicorn toy that she had been given so many years ago. Although it was no longer alive, she still loved it with a strange passion from her past.

 

Andrew:

After a busy day, her birthday ended with a simple meal for the most immediate members of the royal family in their private dining room. They had a delicious, but not extravagant meal, and had come to the end of it.

 

James:

There was a knock at the door to the royal suit.

 

Andrew:

"Who could that be?" said the Queen. "This is a very late hour for us to be interrupted by an urgent message or an embassy from a foreign power."

 

James:

The King signalled to one of the servants to open the door and inquire who it was at this late hour.

 

Andrew:

The double doors were flung open and framed in silhouette against the flickering candlelight from the corridor behind, was the Man in Black.

 

James:

"I have come," he said, "as we agreed."

 

Andrew:

Well, there ensued a rather complicated conversation. The King had a great deal of explaining to do. The Queen was unhappy. Princess Caroline was unhappy. Tears were shed, voices were raised, but the Man in Black was implacable and the King was a man of his word. There was no way around it other than Princess Caroline should immediately pack her things and leave.

 

James:

Tearfully she looked around her rooms deciding what she would take with her. There was no need, perhaps, for many of the things that she normally liked to wear or many of the books that she usually read from. She packed a small bag, taking with her only a couple changes of clothing and the unicorn.

 

Andrew:

The Man in Black had a fine black horse, strong and sturdy waiting in the courtyard, steam rising from his nostrils as it stamped its hooves and shook its head. "Climb aboard," he said.

 

James:

She swing herself up behind him. The bag pressed between the two of them. Almost as a wall between her and, as she thought of him, her captor.

 

Andrew:

They rode through the night. Across lands that the princess had never seen before and had barely known existed. Across forests and fields, mountains, valleys, they forded rivers, until at length they came to the far off land where the Man in Black ruled.

 

James:

A dark, sinister castle thrust itself out of the naked rock. Towers twisting towards the sky. Around it a dark and menacing forest stretched as far as the eyes could see. As the Man rode his horse, Caroline behind him, down the single, narrow path through the forest, she, tired from their journey, gradually slipped off to sleep.

 

Andrew:

The next day, the princes awoke. At first, she was aware of being in a comfortable bed so familiar to the one that she had slept in for many years. But soon she realised that, no, she was not in the bed chamber that she had grown up in, but she was in a different castle in a different land starting a new life.

 

James:

She crept out of her bedroom and started to explore around the castle very soon finding the main hall where the Man in Black was taking breakfast.

 

Andrew:

"Ha-ha, my dear, you are awake," he said with great charm and courtesy. "We'll you join me for breakfast? I have all the goods that one could possibly want to eat."

 

James:

As he spoke, she realised that she was hungry and sat down to eat some of the most delicious fruits and meats that she had ever tasted.

 

Andrew:

The spread was vast and she ate her fill and was sitting in quiet contentment when her husband spoke.

 

James:

"Now you have come to live here you will, of course, have all of the benefits of my country. The best food, the most delicious wine, the most compliant servants; however, I do regret that you will never be able to go back and see your family again. That is just the way that these things work, I'm afraid."

 

Andrew:

The princess was heartbroken. She said nothing and left the table and returned to her room, tears brimming in her eyes.

 

James:

She threw herself down upon the bed attempting to smother her tears in the pillow. Before long she felt a touch on her arm. She started, looking down her arm she noticed the unicorn and it tossed its head.

 

Andrew:

"What on earth," she exclaimed looking down at the toy from her childhood. "But all those years ago you, surely you, I remember ..."

 

James:

It nudged her with its horn gently and then cantered up to her face.

 

Andrew:

"Oh, you've come back to me just at the moment which I needed a friend. Thank you, thank you, thank you," she said, kissing it on its back.

 

James:

That night Caroline waited until she was certain that all in the castle were asleep before taking the unicorn in her pocket and creeping down to the great hall.

 

Andrew:

There, she gathered up the things that she would need for a long journey and made her way outside through the kitchens.

 

James:

The circle of the trees of the dark forest surrounded the castle and she could not see the path. So thinking that any direction was as good as any other, she picked one and started walking.

 

Andrew:

The forest at night was strange and eerie but she was a confident young woman and with her trusty unicorn and her provisions, she strolled ahead without fear.

 

James:

She walked through the night and as the first hints of dawn started to be visible through the dark trees, she finally came across a clearing and in the centre of the clearing was the castle.

 

Andrew:

She was bitterly disappointed. "Oh, I must have taken a wrong turning somewhere or followed a path that came around. What a foolish mistake to make." But she realised that it would be futile to try and leave again during the daytime when she could be seen by everyone in the castle and she returned to the great hall for breakfast.

 

James:

The following night she tried again. Once more as dawn started to creep across the land, she found herself back at the castle.

 

Andrew:

She made several attempts over the following nights to escape. Each time taking a different path, recording the path that she had gone down by making a mark on the barks of the trees, but each time it brought her back to the castle at daybreak. Then while sitting down to breakfast the Man in Black addressed her.

 

James:

"I told you, but you did not believe me. There is no way that you can leave this place and see your family again."

 

Andrew:

"And indeed why would you want to? Here you will have a life of complete contentment. We have a peaceful land where we are unchallenged in our rule. You will have a life of ease and joy. You should accustom yourself to it and not seek to escape."

 

James:

Caroline ran from the table up to her room and threw herself down on the bed in despair.

 

Andrew:

"Oh, what shall I do?" she said to the unicorn as they played together. "What shall I do? It is comfortable here and life could be easy and it is impossible to escape, but I oh I miss my family so. What shall I do?"

 

James:

That night she did not try to escape and as she lay sleeping the unicorn thought.

 

Andrew:

The unicorn was a sensitive beast and hated to see the mistress who it loved in so much pain and discomfort. "How can I help?" it thought. "How can I help her to escape?"

 

James:

The unicorn understood the magic that controlled the forest and the routes through it. The unicorn made of rosewood from the great tree that stood at the centre of the forest, was well aware of exactly how the Man in Black's magic constrained the Princes Caroline. The unicorn knew that this particular spell was powerful and woven through the very fabric of the castle and the forest itself and that only one thing could cause it to fail.

 

Andrew:

The unicorn, a magical animal, understood the ways of the occult and knew that the only way to break the spell and to transport the princess back to her childhood home where she so longed to go, was to burn a part of the magical forest that formed that the impenetrable boundary around the castle along with an item from the desired destination of the traveler. The unicorn rooted around through the possessions that the princess had brought with her from her home and found one of the scarves that had been given to her in her childhood.

 

James:

Now all of the unicorn had to do was to burn this with part of the rosewood heart of the forest. But now the Princess Caroline never went outside. She always wanted to stay within her room and play and the unicorn could not deny her that.

 

Andrew:

Although it bided its time hoping for an opportunity to be taken outside so that it could collect something from the forest, the days turned into weeks, the weeks turned into months and the princess was beginning to waste away with sadness and despair.

 

James:

Seeing her condition, the unicorn knew that it could not wait and that its chance to get outside into the forest might never appear. It took the scarf, wrapped it around itself and when the princess was not looking, cantered into the fireplace where it burned completely.

 

Andrew:

The day dawned bright and fair. There was not a cloud in the sky. It was the seventh birthday of the Princess Caroline.

 

James:

She woke excited for the day's festivities ahead and as she always did, she started her day by playing with the delicate and beautiful swan that she had been given for Christmas. Made by the finest toy maker in the land.

 

Andrew:

The door of her bedroom opened and her kindly aunt and uncle beamed down on her. "Come my child, let us have a celebratory breakfast on this your special day. A happy birthday to our beloved child and the most special girl in all the land."

 

Alternating:

Theresa was a pleasant lady who ran the bookshop in town. Every time she wanted a breath of fresh air, she would walk outside into the square and sit on a stone bench beside the fountain. One day while perambulating, she encountered a small boy who was without his parents. He looked lost and sad. "Are you okay?" she asked. "No," he said, "I've lost my mummy." Theresa took him by the hand and went inside the bookshop. She picked him a book to read and made some tea. As he read to himself, she patted him on the head. He sighed contentedly. "I'm not scared any more."

 

James:

I've been James and I'm here with Andrew. These stories were recorded without advanced planning and lightly edited for the discerning listener. Join us next time for more totally made up tales.